“These are the sorts of things we are told in polite society to not bring up. You know, the difficult and unpleasant things.” Harrison Butker

I would make a terrible Catholic.

As you probably know by now, a very Catholic place kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs, Harrison Butker, gave the commencement address at a very Catholic college.

Let’s take a moment to discuss the fact that I’m writing about a kicker. Kicker. The person, while on an actual professional football team, is chosen last in the street wiffle ball game. This may be his first foray into the Swifty headline game. Bless his heart.

The Catholic kicker spoke about traditional things that somehow have become polarizing weapons. I had to read it so I could use my own inflection and pull apart his locution. He references a lot of Saints and other ancient martyrs of faith – most of whom I have never heard of.

Take his reference to Saint Josemaría Escrivá de Balaguer y Albás, for example. (Flows right off the tongue, doesn’t it?) Apparently Saint Jojo, an early 20th century Priest, believed that “suffering is the touchstone of love”.

Yikes.

A few months ago, my family went to a beautiful Catholic funeral mass for someone we love very, very much. It was sacred and reflective and fitting for our loved one. Towards the end, the Priest walked around waving the incense burner. My twelve year old Presbyterian daughter leaned over and asked,

“What are they burning? ARE THEY BURNING HER ASHES?????“

50/50 chance we get invited to that Parish Christmas party.

Catholic references aside, the kicker’s graduation speech talked about lies society tells us. The first one was for the women graduating. He referenced those who are looking forward to the workforce but also acknowledged those “excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.”

And this is when the crowd of internet onlookers – people inexperienced in the real world because they’re living in their parents basement playing fornite – decided to chime in.

He’s not saying women should be housemaids, greeting their husbands at the door wrapped in saran wrap.

Let me explain this “lie” in another way: women can not have it all and it is okay to make a choice.

Wait. A Catholic talking about a woman’s right to choose? And it came from a KICKER?

I am a working mother. What does that mean? That means I fail at both my jobs, in and out of the home, Every Single Day. (Ask any of my exes. They’ll tell you I don’t just fail, I fail spectacularly.)

Butker, in his speech, follows up by saying, “I say all of this to you because I have seen it firsthand how much happier someone can be when they disregard the outside noise.” What he means is, don’t give in to social pressure. Buck the societal norms that tell a woman she can be anything she wants.

I’ve been waiting to turn into a fairy princess for over 40 years now.

What I believe he’s saying is – you can have a higher education degree and choose to be the CEO of a company or the CEO of your family. Because guess what folks – both are hard as hell. Both come with phenomenal sacrifices. Both come with heartache, headache, broken promises, broken dreams. Maybe, just maybe, if we were to give all our time, attention and talents to one vs the other, we’d achieve an illusive win. I understand many of us don’t have the luxury of one over the other. He knows his audience.

He then turns to the men in the graduating class. He speaks of masculinity – not the kind that punches women in elevator lobbies but masculinity that brings out the natural gifts men have. Jordan Peterson in his book 12 Rules for Life, says “Boys are suffering in the modern world,” and he suggests that the problem is that they’re not boyish enough.

Kicker Butker says to the men, “this lie that has been told to you that men are not necessary in the home”. Tell me he’s not 100% right.

He finishes by saying,

“Do hard things. Never settle for what is easy.”

Ok, kicker. You’re having the tough conversations that society will reject because we have to keep up the persona that everyone is equal when we know – WE KNOW – women bear more of the family duties and childcare than men. According to KFF.org – a non religious, non political independent source for health policy research, polling, and news said, “four in ten working mothers (39%) must take time off and stay home when their children are sick, over ten times the share of men (3%).”

If I could stay home and devote all my time and energy to my child, I would. And I’m sure I’d feel guilty not contributing to society in ways I’d like. We can’t have it all.

What we CAN have, is healthy dialogue. What we can do, is listen to and tolerate opinions opposite our own. What we can do, is support families – all kinds of families – regardless of race/religion/sex/gender because if we get this family thing right, we raise a generation that leaves their rioting campus tents and become better than us. And that’s a good thing.

God bless the kickers.